Many people who are in love is lucky to see their love ones almost everyday or every week, some people get to hug and kiss their love ones each time they meet, some people are lucky to talk and spend time with their bf. some people are lucky to be able to message their love ones everyday asking how they are, have they eaten and etc? some people get to have a proper dinner with their bf, some people get to spend time studying together and smiling at their guy and giving mushy flying kisses. some people are lucky to have their bf fetching them off from work or school. Some people get to celebrate special moments. Some people get time to know their other half a whole lot better each day.
Truely its a blessing. But to a percentage of those people in love, some of us don't get any of that privileged, and one of them is me.

I can't express what i feel right in front of him. I can't stop thinking what is going on there with him. I can't help feeling insecure because he is far. I can't help wishing I'm there with him. I can't help it that we can't be together in the same country. I only get to meet him once a year and if I'm lucky this year i got to meet him twice if I'm not mistaken. The time spend was only about 2 hours. That 2 hrs is spend on trying to fix things that went wrong when we were in different countries. I can't help blushing when i look at him cause its so hard not to look at the physical changes he went thru. I can't help crying , or hiding my tears cause i know the moment will pass by us fast. I can't help fighting my emotions wanting to hold him, hug him and kiss him which i can't. I can't help it when i see him after so long, my heart skip a beat. I can't help having butterflies when i talk to him. I can't help being amazed with his British accent. I can't help smiling when he says my name with love. I can't help that this happens for a reason. I can't help that he noticed i turned away. I can't help it that i love him despite being separated for 4 years plus. I feel sad not being able to celebrate his birthday. I can't help giving such a long text telling him how it is here in my country and waiting for a response. There is so much more i would have wanted to talk to you about. I wanna grow old with you.

We've pushed thru all odds, despite not being in that much contact, thru online or media or real life. I can't help having this feelings and emotions of falling for him over and over again. You know I've promised I'll never let you go. Despite breaking up always because of the distance, we kept coming back and that alone gave me hope. As much as i can never express how i feel towards you. I wish you do know how i feel staying here and just overcoming things.


And yes, i know im pushing myself to work and study at the same time. I have great friends here. One of them would be Sabrina, she pushed me and remind me to get ahead with life. I'm taking small step at a time, so i wouldn't fall hard. And so is my love life.

And sometimes, i understand why are we in different countries. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
one thing- u need to concentrate and finish your studies.
as for me, i need to work and save up. Other than that if we were in the same countries, we would have been investing alot of time and money for the love that has no assurance of a marriage. Atleast for now, we are chilling, we know we are friends and we know we have deep feelings for each other, and we know we are young and we know we need to get to the top before being together. I love you. And I realise now i feel better not having people knowing about us, only a few of my closefriends. Because it would have certainly blow up and we could have crashed.


only my heart can express how it feels, but it stays there till the day you say I do.



~apple foolishfruit
Hasanah Zafi.