So today I had a conversation on Whatsapp with my close friend Fafa. You know my die hard kkb. Well so what happened was I woke up with a realisation last 2 days that I would be 30 years old in 2 years time. That what I wanted to be is not what I am doing right now. This is not what I want. I am nowhere near who I wanna be in terms of ambition and goals. I am sure everyone of us have gone to that mid crisis. So I told her and she asked me what I want to be. So when I was 15, I knew I wanted to be a Historian, Geologist, I.T professional and UN ambassador. On top of that, I wanted to be a professional Figure Skating Coach since I was practically in love with Ice skating.
No where near there. I wanted to go in university to actually study History but when I came back to Singapore none of these make sense. I went on a different route and studied Islamic studies and even went on to Tahfiz school. Someone whose mum actually had spent a few thousands sending to International school decided to drop everything and was not interested in academics until I woke up with another realisation that I was able to do my friend degree assignments. So I went back to taking Alevels and did a diploma in Communication Management (Mass comm). At that point of time I was working in retail/ sales and I am still doing that.
So right now , I have no idea what I wanna do. Because I am nowhere to where I wanted to be. Like I started working cause obviously I had to and then since I took over all the responsibilities at home, there is no way I can risk myself doing anything risky because I pay the bills you know on top of my own education loan. Back to what I was talking to Fafa, she suggested me to do Biomedical. And since I am already working in the optical line for going 3 years, Uncle Roger and Sheron (both optometrist) told me that I should continue and pursue to be Optician. That could have better skills and pay. Technically I did found the passion in the line that I am working in. But the question is if that is what I really want? To do this or to start pursuing my meaningless dreams.
I am still in daze cause I'll be 30 in two years time. I still can't decide whether I want to do this or not. Cause I will obviously need to stay in retail to go in for the course. Life is so confusing, I mean come on do you think this is what I wanted 10 years ago. I would not even think I will still be in retail after getting my degree but here I am. And you know what, I don't hate my job at one bit. not at all I wake up hating to go work or dragging my feet. I don't. I look forward to go to work and actually am glad I am doing what I am. But you know sometimes society or family pressures plays a part.
Well I've decided to just pursue another new cert related to my job and upgrade my skills. In Sha Allah, everything will be alright. Hey, everything is already written in Luh Mahfuz. So, yeah I had a mid crisis coming to my 30s. Funny thing is I am not even thinking about marriage. I mean I do want that but right now all that matters is I get my career path straight. Knowledge is knowledge. It is never a loss. Unless you see me unhappy at work, then we all know it is time for me to say goodbye. But as of right now, Allah S.W.T had given me everything I wanted. Alhamdulillah.
........to be continued
No comments:
Post a Comment